I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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