you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
