why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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