Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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