i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
