All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
