I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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