forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
