Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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