went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
