Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
