did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
