I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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