It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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