god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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