Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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