So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
