We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
