it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
