i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
