he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
