i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
