# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
