Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
