Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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