is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
