Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
