i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
