i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
