im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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