even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
