i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
