It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
