youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 2 1 whiskey
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
