Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance