Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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