so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college