you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm getting married
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?