his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
