I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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