i think my tv is drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
