A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
