you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
