Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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