Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
