he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
