Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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