meet me or not, i'm out of control
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
