that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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