come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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