I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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