...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
