Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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