Just fell off a train. Bad.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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