Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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