Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
