Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
