i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
