everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
FUCK WHALES
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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