Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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