i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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