Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
