I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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