fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
