i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
