I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
