so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
