We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
