what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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