you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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