Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
