Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
