My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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