no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
