areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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