I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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