is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
