a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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