Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
