My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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