I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
