You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
