all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
