1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song