Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds