i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?