I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube