we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i came on her dog
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity